Four Practical Steps to Help Your Children Be Thankful

Looking back on my years as a student pastor, a handful of teens stood out for their strong testimony of Christian character and spiritual maturity. One such was Randy, a tall, good-looking kid, tremendous athlete, and a natural leader. Judith and I were so impressed with Randy we sat down with his parents and asked how it was that they were able to raise such a good and godly young man. After acknowledging that it was only by God’s grace, they did mention something I’ll never forget: “We taught Randy to be grateful because gratitude never rebels.”

That conversation came back to me as I read a recent essay in The Wall Street Journal by Jennifer Breheny Wallace entitled, “How to Raise More Grateful Children.” Not only are kids less grateful than in prior generations, parents are less apt to expect their children to be thankful. Numerous studies reveal this dismal truth. In a Templeton Foundation poll, approximately 60% responded that people today are “less likely to have an attitude of gratitude” than in previous decades. Only 35% of 18-to-24-year-olds expressed gratitude on a regular basis. The study also reports that this age group was most likely to express gratitude for selfish reasons; that is, to get what they want.

Wallace cites Harvard psychologist Richard Weissbourd, who blames the self-esteem movement in America for the downward trend in offering thanks. He believes that indulging children, praising them for every little thing, and striving to make them happy has led to the entitlement mentality so prevalent in our culture. The essay also referenced a growing body of research demonstrating ingratitude as a leading cause in anti-social and aggressive behavior, and even poor study habits.

A growing body of research suggests ingratitude as a leading cause in anti-social and aggressive behavior, and even poor study habits.

The failure of the present generation to be grateful is understandable given the ever-increasing secularism of this present age. We seem to have forgotten that gratitude is not just an emotional, moral expression; it is essentially a spiritual one. Ultimately, every good and perfect gift is from above. When you take God out of the picture, it’s no wonder gratitude inevitably declines. For example, if one is thankful to their parents, then to whom shall they be thankful for their parents? Secularism has spawned the selfie age. Reality and life experience are now defined in terms of how they affect self. Self has become the center of the universe for many people.

Thankfully, (no pun intended) it is never too late to teach gratitude. It is something every parent should intentionally seek to ingrain in their children. Parents need to know that producing thankful offspring carries with it some wonderful benefits. Kids who are grateful are generally happier, healthier, and more socially well-adjusted than ingrates. Dr. David Rosmarin, assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, published a study that showed thankful kids have less anxiety, less depression, are less prone to aggressive behavior, and even make better students.

So, how can Christian parents teach their kids to be thankful? Here are four practical steps you can take:

1. Model Gratitude

Saying thank you and expressing appreciation to our kids when it’s rightfully deserved is essential. Make sure you say thank you when they open a door for you, or when they say something nice, or do a chore well. Being a grateful parent is the first step in producing grateful kids because children learn what they live.

2. Encourage Gratitude

Instruct your children to express gratitude verbally or by sending thank you notes. This should always be done with the goal of shaping a mindset instead of just enforcing conformity to a rule. Help your children understand the specific thing they should be grateful for, e.g., your dad took the day off to spend time with you, or your brother knew you were busy, so he did it for you. Wallace wisely contends that it’s important for parents to “acknowledge the larger circle of people who benefit kids’ lives, like the school secretary or janitor.” This is a way of showing children how to count their blessings. Research suggests that counting your blessings is an effective coping mechanism that enables kids to deal with everyday hassles and personal annoyances.

3. Go on a Short-Term Missions Trip

This may be a bit costly, but a trip to a third-world country or an inner-city project will grant them a perspective on how the rest of the world lives. Seeing others in poverty or disadvantage will help children appreciate what they have. As one adult church member once said to me on a mission’s trip, “Pastor, I’ll never complain again.” I read about one teenager who returned home from a trip and got down in her living room and hugged the floor saying, “I’ve never been grateful for a floor, but now I am.”

4. Cultivate Your Relationship with God

Finally, there is nothing better parents can do to teach children gratitude than cultivate their own relationships with God. Giving thanks at meals, praying together as a family, and pointing out God’s faithfulness to provide are ways of directing your child’s perspective upward.

The Lord God commands his children to be thankful, and parents should do the same with their kids. Mom and Dad, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of being theocentric over kid-centric. Parents who are kid-centric are shaping an attitude of entitlement. Parents who teach an attitude of gratitude will help their children be happier and healthier. Love God, love each other, and love your children enough to ensure they grow up knowing life’s not all about them.

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