One of the lies spawned by the present culture is that people can fall in love—or that “love at first sight” actually happens. People don’t “fall” in love with others as if they couldn’t help it. A person may be attracted to someone by sight, but “what’s love got to do with it?” Nothing. There are three reasons why love at first sight is an impossibility.

1) The confusion continues

First of all, “love at first sight” is an impossibility simply because real love, the kind of love a man is to have for his wife, is never a reaction but a decision. It’s volitional, not emotional. There continues to be much confusion in this world that fails to distinguish between love and lust. As Christian men, we need a clear and constant understanding of biblical love. The kind of love we’re commanded to have for others, for our wives, our children, is self-giving and sacrificial. Love willingly puts the needs of others before its own. It’s the kind of love Christ has for us and which he expressed by his vicarious death on the cross.

Real love, the kind of love a man is to have for his wife, is never a reaction but a decision.

Granted, men are often attracted to women by sight, but biblical love has nothing to do with sexual attraction. Any kind of emotional response prompted by sight must be brought into subjection to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

2) Love expresses knowledge

Another reason it’s impossible to love someone at first sight is that you need time to truly know them. Love is an expression of value and appreciation for another that results from discovery over time. My love for my wife of 43 years developed through coming to know her, learning about her character, her personality, and her needs and concerns. My love for her has grown over the years because of what I know about her. Dr. James Dobson writes: “One cannot love an unknown object regardless of how attractive or sexy or nubile it is.”

Yet secular culture promotes a version of love based on lust generated by sight. That paragon of virtue, Jim Morrison of the Doors, sang, “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?” What that really means is, “Hello, I’m lusting after you and it’s all about me.” The love at first sight idea puts the focus on self. Guys, we need to follow Job’s example and “make a covenant with our eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (Job 31:1).

3) Love requires commitment

Emotional, romantic love cannot sustain itself. While infatuation may feel like real love, it will never stand the test of time. Every couple will have emotional highs and lows, and the romance can easily go from blazing to bland. Fortunately, real love is not dependent on emotional highs, nor is it threatened by emotional lows but is founded on a commitment of the will. Love at first sight expresses no such commitment.

Secular propaganda promotes the lie that romantic love can only be sustained when it is free from commitment. For example, one psychology professor writes in The Independent, “if we can admit to ourselves that a fleeting attraction, or more meaningful connection, with another partner might not irreparably harm our primary relationship — and indeed might supplement it — then our relationships might survive longer and better.”

Tell that to broken-hearted children wondering if daddy is coming back, or if he loves them. God hard-wired you and me for commitment, and it is the lack of commitment that has devastated the family and wreaked havoc on American society.

So, allow this to be a reminder about the nature of the love God expects from you. Check your own marriage to determine if it’s more about “sight” than understanding, knowledge, and commitment. Are you one of the those who must possess a “trophy wife?” Have you allowed visual images to hijack your brain and deprive you of true intimacy? Perhaps you need to have a sit down with a friend, a pastor, or your wife and discuss these things. Because, as Christians, we walk by faith not by sight. It’s also the way we love.