Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7

Marriage is a learning experience where you discover things about your spouse you never knew. However, the most important discoveries in marriage are usually about yourself. God ordained marriage as a mean of sanctifying us and making us more like his Son. Recognizing that he has placed in your wife’s hands the power to reveal what’s wrong with you is necessary to the success of your marriage.

There’s nothing like marriage to reveal a man’s self-centeredness.

There’s nothing like marriage to reveal a man’s self-centeredness. Most men have a basic need to be honored and respected by their wives. At the same time, men often fail in rendering that same honor to their wives. While husbands need and expect respect, they often fail to show it.

It’s interesting that Peter’s inspired counsel reveals the sowing and reaping principle. That is, if husbands want their wives to respect and honor them, they must be the ones who initiate it. So, here are seven suggestions about how you can give your wife the honor she deserves and reap the same honor in return.

1. Expressing appreciation.

Husbands seem more adept at offering criticism than praise, but few things are more important to your wife than heartfelt appreciation. A husband needs to proactively look for those small things his wife does for him and then make sure she knows he notices. It could be the way she cares for the kids, the house, for herself, or a hundred other things, but expressing gratitude is a great way to honor your wife.

2. Purposeful listening.

I heard about a wife who said, “The only way I will ever get my husband’s attention is to turn myself into a television.” That’s not merely sad, it’s pathetic. For crying out loud, turn off the TV and make eye contact when your wife is speaking to you! Purposeful listening means you’re listening to understand, not to reply. Don’t interrupt (one of my great weaknesses) and remember to repeat back to her what she said in your own words as a means of communicating you understand.

3. Sharing responsibility.

Don’t be like the guy whose wife worked 40 hours a week and he complained about not getting a hot breakfast. She promptly informed him that if he wanted a hot breakfast, he could set his cornflakes on fire.

Husbands should never expect their wives to carry the entire load of housework, especially if she works outside the home. After all, ordering your domain is just as much your responsibility (Genesis 1:28). Judith really helped me see this when she expressed appreciation to me for emptying the dishwasher. Hey, I can do that! It’s a little thing but means something to her. So, if your wife works outside the home, you need to share the responsibility of keeping the house clean.

4. Requesting input.

Your wife needs to know that her opinion carries weight with you. Granted, you have authority to make final decisions in the home, but asking for your wife’s thoughts and input is a great way to render honor to her. Don’t be afraid of her disagreeing with you. It’s an insecure husband who refuses to seek his wife’s advice and counsel (Proverbs 31:26).

5. Showing empathy.

When your wife makes a mistake, she knows it. It certainly does no good for you to point it out to her after the fact, and instead reveals acrimony. “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)

I read about a wife that accidentally scratched the new car. Her husband could have been her knight in shining armor but instead chose to lecture and scold. What she needed was emotional support and a husband who values relationship over material things.

6. Intentional humility.

The best demonstration of humility is the admission of mistakes. Husbands only demonstrate how self-centered they are when they cannot admit their own faults and must put their wives down so they can feel superior. It is nothing less than sinful arrogance when a husband is nice to other women and rude to his wife, or when he is always willing to make take time for friends but has no time for spouse. A humble husband is one who puts his wife’s needs ahead of his own.

7. Sincere romance.

Wives remember when we forget birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates. Why is it that we men can be so romantic before marriage and so unromantic after it? I think losing that “first love” is responsible for the indifference that kills so many marriages. We begin to take each other for granted. Keep the fire of romance burning through affectionate touch and deeds of kindness, small gifts and date nights, or just spending quality time together.

These are some ways to express honor while sowing the seeds that will eventually produce that respect that every man wants and needs from his wife.