Some Christians have been shaken by Josh Harris’ recent announcements that he is no longer a Christian and has divorced his wife of 21 years. Harris is the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, an immensely popular book he wrote as a 21-year old, affirming biblical purity and celibacy before marriage.

Harris posted on Instagram, “I have undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus. The popular phrase for this is ‘deconstruction,’ the biblical phrase is ‘falling away.’ By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian. Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now.”

Harris added, “Martin Luther said that the entire life of believers should be repentance. There’s beauty in that sentiment regardless of your view of God. I have lived in repentance for the past several years—repenting of my self-righteousness, my fear-based approach to life, the teaching of my books, my views of women in the church, and my approach to parenting to name a few. But I specifically want to add to this list now: to the LGBTQ+ community, I want to say that I am sorry for the views that I taught in my books and as a pastor regarding sexuality. I regret standing against marriage equality, for not affirming you and your place in the church, and for any ways that my writing and speaking contributed to a culture of exclusion and bigotry. I hope you can forgive me.”

If you find yourself struggling with the apostasy of Harris, here’s my response and advice.

1. God uses sinful men.

I have known three men in my life that have profoundly influenced me in my faith. The Lord used them in my life to mature and strengthen me spiritually. Yet, even the best men are men at best, and all three were eventually exposed for sexual misconduct. During the course of my ministry, I have witnessed many moral casualties. The failure of spiritual leaders has, at times, been deeply disappointing and has even left me somewhat disillusioned. A resource that has encouraged and enlightened me is a work by Gene Edwards, A Tale of Three Kings. I whole-heartedly recommend it if you find yourself confused and heart-broken by Josh’s recent “deconstruction.” Edwards’ insights provided me with answers that I desperately needed amid the heartaches and losses I personally experienced.

2. Total depravity is real.

Secondly, we need to see this situation theologically. The doctrine of total depravity is that our entire being has been adversely affected by sin. It doesn’t mean we’re as bad as we could be, but that our minds, will, and emotions have been corrupted by sin and that our nature is in a fallen condition.

Acknowledging our own sinfulness will keep us from being quick to judge and condemn. I would urge those affected by this situation to pray for Josh and his family. I have no idea what led up to his decision to divorce his wife and depart from the faith, but I can assure you it was a process of wrong thinking. That’s what total depravity does. We are not sinners because we sin; we sin because we’re already sinners in our hearts. We need to recognize that but for the grace of God we could easily follow in Josh’s footsteps. As the country preacher said, “flesh is flesh, no matter whose bones it’s stretched over.”

We are not sinners because we sin; we sin because we’re already sinners in our hearts. We need to recognize that but for the grace of God we could easily follow in Josh’s footsteps.

3. We must never excuse sin

Harris’ apostasy isn’t new. Even in the first century some of the Apostle Paul’s companions made shipwreck of their faith. He mentioned their names and did not try to excuse what they had done but rather gave instruction for confronting those who erred. While our hearts go out to Josh and his family, we must, at the same time, be careful not to excuse him for what appears to be blatant apostasy. He has committed a grave sin and his church should deal with this situation biblically.

As I’ve written before, the Christian worldview is rooted in the conviction that mankind was created for the glory of God, and as His creatures, we are all designed to function according to His plan revealed in His Word. This includes our genders and sexuality, as God created mankind “male and female” (Genesis 1:27). When we violate our created design, we harm ourselves as we do it. When biblical instruction is followed, it honors our created design and leads to flourishing (Proverbs 16:20).

In his apology to the LGBTQ+ community, Harris describes his previous views as being bigoted and exclusionary. In other words, any worldview that does condone the LGBTQ+ worldview is branded hateful and narrow-minded—and in so doing, is guilty of its own accusations.

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Finally, let me point you to the Scriptures and to our Lord Jesus, who never changes and is always faithful. Cling to him in all your hurts and disappointments. Also remember that we shall all give account of ourselves to God. While this Josh Harris story is troubling and sad, we remain unflinching in our affirmation of the truth, compassionate toward the fallen, and hopeful for the coming of our Lord.