To some degree we’ve all faced failure, be it financial, relational, business, or even moral failure. Perhaps you feel like you’ll never reach your goals, your debt is unmanageable, or you can’t make good on your promises. Maybe you had dreams once, but they’ve long since evaporated. Perhaps you’re staring failure in the face right now, and the fear you’re experiencing is only intensified by the holidays. What should you do?

1. Accept responsibility

In the midst of failure, you must not think of yourself as a victim and accept responsibility for your part in the failure. Benjamin Franklin once said, “The man who is good at making an excuse, is seldom good at anything else.” Sure, things out of your control may have contributed to the failure, but there comes a time in every man’s life when he has to admit that there was something he could and should have done differently. Victims find a villain to blame for their problems and need heroes to rescue them. The first step in getting out of the hole you’re in is to realize you got yourself in it—and stop waiting for someone else to do something about it.

There comes a time in every man’s life when he has to admit that there was something he could and should have done differently.

2. Evaluate the cause

As Christians, we must remember that God is constantly at work in our lives, even in the midst of our failures. Oftentimes, God uses failure to correct us or help us grow in our faith. Therefore, look for his hand in the midst of failure and ask yourself, “Is this for my correction or for my perfection? Am I being disciplined by the Lord or is he testing my faith?” Seek him diligently in prayer and in his Word. He will not discipline his children without showing them the reason. Your circumstances have placed you in a position to draw near to God. So, is there something in your life that requires confession and repentance?

Also recognize that our hearts are deceptive, and we cannot even know them (Jeremiah 17:9). That means we’re often blind to our own pride, and God uses situations out of our control to humble us and expose the self-deception. Dr. Ramesh Richard writes, “The stronger you think you are, the weaker you really are. The more important you feel you are, the less relevant you have become in terms of solutions.”

3. Don’t abandon hope

It’s one thing to be positive and another thing to be hopeful. Optimism often turns out to be wishful thinking generated by self-confidence. A very wise man once told me, “self-confidence is always misplaced.” Hope, on the other hand, places the situation in God’s hands. It embraces the truth that God works all things together for our good. No matter how impossible the situation seems now, pressing on in hope glorifies God because we are trusting him in his wisdom to redeem the situation and bring beauty from ashes.

Jeremy Taylor, the famous English cleric, wrote: “Nothing is intolerable that is necessary. Now God hath bound thy trouble upon thee by His special providence, and with a design to try thee, and with purposes to reward and crown thee. These cords thou canst not break, and therefore lie thou down gently, and suffer the hand of God to do what He pleases.”

4. Manage the fallout

On a more practical level, here are some things you can do to limit the damage:

Communicate with those affected by your failure. Almost every failure impacts the lives of others. When it does, we need to be transparent and communicate consistently and with complete honesty. My home church went through a bond program that eventually led to bankruptcy. The pastor answered every angry phone call, listened patiently, and assured every bondholder that every single penny invested would be paid back. It took years, but he made good on that promise and overcame a huge trust deficit.

Serve others. To avoid throwing a personal pity party, put yourself at the service of others who are facing failure. In doing what you can to help those individuals, you will find less room for self-pity and obtain a better perspective. For example, join FFC’s group that meets with guys at the Westminster Rescue Mission (Tuesday nights from 6:45 to 8 p.m.). Listening to their stories and offering them encouragement as they battle addiction will infuse your life with humility and gratitude.

Find a mentor. The Lord is always our first recourse for consultation through his Word and prayer. The Holy Spirit may direct your thoughts to a solution you never considered or instill you with wisdom for the next strategic decision. Then, and only then, seek wise and godly counsel from a mentor. An experienced man who’s been where you are can empathize with you and provide valuable perspective. I read about one case where an older man advised his failing friend to keep himself physically fit because being worn out leads to mental mistakes. Scripture says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)

Don’t quit. Now is not the time to give up. This will only turn your failure into disaster. It can help to focus on immediate actions that you can control to keep moving forward, while developing longer term plans you can pursue down the road. Financial Peace University helps those facing financial failure in this way: the immediate, fundamental step is to learn how to create and follow a monthly budget with your spouse (Proverbs 21:20). The longer-term plan is following the seven “Baby Steps” to build financial peace over time.

Remember, the failure you’re now facing could very well be a blessing in disguise. Winston Churchill, whose resolve saved Europe from Nazi tyranny, said, “Victory is not final. Defeat is not failure. It’s all about courage. The definition of courage is going from defeat to defeat with undiminished enthusiasm.”

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Perhaps what you’re going through means it’s time for a change. Is God taking you in a new direction? Instead of lingering on past failures, choose to learn from your mistakes, and look forward to the future God has for you.

King David, who had his share of failure, wrote, “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand.” (Psalm 37:23-24) Failure doesn’t have to be fatal. Blessing and failure are often bound together. Therefore, “Fail thee well, dear friend.”