Every parent wants to raise children of good character that possess qualities that people admire: honesty, courage and perseverance, to name a few. If reputation is what people think about you, then character is what God knows you to be. Character is what a person is on the inside.

When it comes to our children’s character, our motivation must be completely unselfish. We must never want our children to have good character to simply feed our own ego. That, in itself, reflects a character defect we know as pride. We want to build character into our kids so that as they grow and develop, they’ll make good choices, work hard, and respond to life’s challenges with wisdom and grace.

When it comes to our children’s character, our motivation must be completely unselfish.

Your character is what defines you as a person and as a parent. Just as you should be a person of good character, you should also proactively seek to build character in your kids. Here are four ways to help build your child’s character:

1) Assign tasks according to their abilities.

Young children have a natural desire to please their parents. Don’t frustrate them by requiring them to perform beyond their abilities. Imagine how frustrating it would be for you if your boss asked you to do something you didn’t know how or hadn’t been trained to do—and expected you to be proficient at it. If you have difficulty discerning your children’s capabilities, here are a few suggestions:

• Speak with their teacher. Teachers are trained to know what to expect of children according to their mental and physical development.

• Read a book on childhood development.

• Communicate with your children to make sure they understand and feel confident enough to take on certain tasks.

2) Refuse to protect them from consequences.

While we naturally want to protect our kids from harm, it is not always a good thing to shield them from the results of their poor choices. They need to learn that bad decisions often produce painful results. Have you ever been frustrated when your child doesn’t seem to listen or care about your warnings? They seem intent on going their own way in spite of your heartfelt admonitions. Allowing them to learn “the hard way” isn’t intended to embarrass or humiliate them. Sometimes, it’s the only way they learn to avoid the behavior that brought the painful result.

3) Teach them delayed gratification.

Children have too many things at their fingertips today, instantly available with a flip of a switch, push of a button, or click of a mouse. Unknowingly, kids are being programmed for impatience. As parents, we must insist on work before pleasure. The best way to teach this to your kids is by getting them to develop the ability to wait for something that they want.

One famous study, the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, showed a connection between children that were able to delay gratification with much better performance academically, higher S.A.T. scores as teenagers, and even earn higher incomes as adults. The children that couldn’t resist were more likely to have behavioral problems, both in school and at home. They got lower S.A.T. scores. They struggled in stressful situations, often had trouble paying attention, and found it difficult to maintain friendships.

4) Insist on good manners.

This is another area where example is key. If you want your children to have good manners, you must model what that looks like. Make sure they hear you say “please” and “thank you.” Some things are better “caught than taught.” Well-mannered children are becoming a rarity today. Here are few of the basics that you should insist your children learn:

• Teach them to speak first to adults. Greet others with eye contact. Some parents will tell their kids who have difficulty with this to try to tell what color the person’s eyes are.

• Insist on proper table manners. Washing up for dinner, using a napkin, and not speaking with a mouth full of food are a good place to start.

• Insist on politeness. When they are away at a friend or relative’s house, they should follow the same rules you have at home. Teach them to express thanks to the parents for allowing them over.

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Hopefully, these practices will become habits that eventually form your child’s character. But remember, the best way to build character in them is to model it in your own life. Strive to be a person you son or daughter will admire. People tend to emulate what they respect.