Have you ever pondered what it means to be a man? What characterizes true manhood? How Christians should perceive, define and display masculinity? The confusion that many men experience in this area is easy to understand. One stereotype portrayed in the media connects masculinity with misogyny, selfishness, incompetence, and an insatiable libido. The other extreme equates manhood with superhero status, success, good looks, talent, athleticism, and charisma.

The truth lies somewhere between these extremes, between the “deadbeat dad” and the superhero or the henpecked wimp and hyper-aggressive bully. The present culture says your idea of what it means to be a man comes from your experiences and the messages you get from others. Collectively, this creates a “normalized” definition of what it means to be a man--that is now referred to as the “Man Box”--and is reinforced through cultural “policing” behaviors (e.g., have you ever heard the joke, “that guy needs his Man Card taken away.”)

Christian men must resist the pressure to conform and not allow themselves to be squeezed into the Man Box. The great need in our homes, churches, and nation is men who understand that God alone defines true manhood. Even when the present world endorses admirable qualities in men, the authority behind those qualities is from above. In other words, the reason a real man provides for his family isn’t because the culture demands it, but because it pleases God.

The best way to understand manhood, as it was meant to be, is by knowing what the Scriptures teach about it. With that in mind, let me offer a few suggestions as to how we can avoid the confusion, and be confident in our own masculinity. It comes down to three simple basics: learn, live, and love.

1. Learn

Learning biblical manhood means we understand that our Creator has revealed the truth about us, and we accept whatever he has said as authoritative. He has the right to tell us how to live as men. We must not approach the Bible as a mere guide for living, but rather as God’s good and perfect design for us. If we view the Scriptures as only a set of principles to live by, we diminish the sacredness of manhood. As image-bearers we exist for God’s glory and to reflect him in this world.

Unless your life is molded by his truth, you will always be vulnerable to the Man Box.

2. Live

When it comes to being a man, there is no substitute for obedience (see Matt. 7:24-27). Becoming the man God wants you to be means conforming your life to his will. Unless your life is molded by his truth, you will always be vulnerable to the Man Box. You know you’re confined there when you find yourself competing for the world’s approval instead of living for God’s pleasure. The great men of the Bible were not perfect, but they were obedient. That is, they acknowledged the Lord’s authority over their lives and willingly submitted to his will as they understood it.

3. Love

The greatest command is to love God supremely. Once we discover his truth about us and how he wills us to live, we conform to that truth out of love. Love for God is developed by coming to grips with how gracious he has been to us. It is in the cross that we find our motivation to live as godly men. Our desperate need required a perfect sacrifice which God provided in the person of his Son, and we love him because he first loved us.

The bottom line, when it comes to biblical manhood, is Jesus. He perfectly displayed what it means to be a man, living to do the Father’s will and selflessly giving of himself to others. He knew the plan God willed for him, obediently followed it all the way to Calvary, and did so out of love for the Father, and for us. So, the next time you find yourself wondering what it means to be a man, look to Jesus.