If you are a dad with young sons, I’ve got a question for you: How will you lead them to manhood? Do you have a plan? Ok, that’s two questions, but seriously, have you thought about intentionally leading those little guys to biblical manhood? Our present culture has a distorted perception of what it means to be a man, and even many Christians entertain false notions of masculinity. Therefore, let me share a few thoughts to encourage you toward developing a plan for leading your son to manhood.

1. Have a clear understanding of biblical manhood.

You can’t teach what you don’t know. Leading your son to manhood requires an understanding of God’s created design for men. We find the essence of biblical manhood in Genesis 2, where the concept of headship first appears. In God’s created order for the home, man is the head and the woman is God’s designated compliment for him—a helper suitable for man. The Hebrew term for “helper” here (ezer) does not necessarily imply inferiority: God is also called Israel’s helper (Hosea 13:9). Therefore, men and women are both created equally in God’s image, but they do possess different roles.

From the beginning, the role of man has been accepting and fulfilling his God-given responsibilities to lead, protect, provide, love and serve those whom the Lord has placed in his care. You could say then that the essence of manhood is selfless sacrifice, rooted in a love for God and others. It is first displayed in the home, and then toward others. The importance of modeling such love before your sons cannot be overemphasized. Children learn what they live, and some things are better caught than taught.

To expand your knowledge of Biblical manhood I would recommend Piper and Grudem’s excellent work, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism.

2. Expose the falsehoods of a secular worldview.

Can you articulate to your son(s) what’s wrong with the world’s view of manhood? What image is being developed in his young mind about what it means to be a man? If there’s been a steady diet of regular television, I assure you it isn’t a biblical one. Can and do you point out to your son the weaknesses and fallacies about men being portrayed in cinema and television?

Young boys need to understand that being a man isn’t simply about physical strength. Puberty does not automatically transform boys to men, nor does manhood magically begin on a boy’s 18th birthday. Teach your sons that manhood is more than biology and chronological age. As they get older, teach them the flawed idea that sex is merely an appetite to be satisfied like physical hunger.

Obviously, unmasking these unbiblical concepts assumes the need to monitor the cerebral input your children experience. It also assumes you purposely look for teaching opportunities that reinforce biblical values. Be sure to make time in your schedule to intentionally teach the truth about what makes a real man.

3. Teach the importance of balance.

The world usually portrays men in extremes: either as aggressive bullies or spineless weaklings, conniving megalomaniacs or bumbling idiots, exploiting women or dominated by them. It’s no wonder so many young men are confused about their own identity. At the same time, our portrayal and practice of masculinity must not be a reaction to the world’s notion of manhood, but rather, a commitment to teach our sons the biblical ideal.

That means balancing strength with grace, courage with humility, and conviction with compassion. Such a balance might be seen in standing up for what you believe but doing so with respect and restraint. Psalm 96:6 says, “Honor and majesty surround him; strength and beauty fill his sanctuary.” David was a mighty warrior, but also loved poetry and music. Perhaps the best balance of strength and beauty was exhibited by our Lord, who bore the sin of the world on the cross while making sure his mother would be cared for after his death.

One of the greatest needs in America today is men who understand biblical manhood well enough to communicate it to their sons, who can expose the lies of the world about sex, gender, and masculinity, while exhibiting a balance of strength and beauty. In other words, stop emulating the cultural notions of manhood and simply strive to be more like Jesus.