Recently, I came across a story of a woman whose daughter experienced what’s known as “sudden onset gender dysphoria” (SOGD). In her early teens, the girl decided she would be much happier as a boy. If her mom had followed the world’s protocol in such matters, we know how the story would have unfolded: hormone therapy, name change, and genital mutilation.

But this mom fought back. Her refusal to give in to her daughter’s adolescent inclination created great tension within the home for months. And then suddenly, the girl let it drop. The “trans” battle, at least for a while, was over and the mother’s courage won the day. I could not help but mourn the many children whose parents are not so brave.

In a culture that obsesses about identity, millions of children and young people struggle to find themselves. Therefore, one of our most important tasks as parents, and fathers in particular, is to help our children find their identity. Here’s a few thoughts to help you help your kids.

1. Know Yourself

You need to be secure in your own identity before you can help your children discover their own. According to John Calvin, “knowledge of ourselves lies first in considering what we were given at creation, and second, in calling to mind our miserable condition after Adam’s fall.” In other words, our identity is inherently tied to our Creator and also to our first parents.

This dual identity gives us a practical way to see ourselves. Knowing that we were created by God and in his image gives us a sense of dignity and worth. Understanding our connection with Adam helps us see ourselves as broken by sin. Firmly grasping these two truths instills in our deepest part a sense of humility and gratitude. Humility because of our complete dependence on God, and gratitude because of what he has done for us in Christ.

2. Know the Culture

Your children need to understand that the world is constantly pushing them to view identity as something achieved. The mantra is you can be whoever and whatever you want to be. It doesn’t matter what your parents think, or what the Bible says, you have to be true to yourself—that is one’s highest calling. This is where we are as a culture, and it’s diametrically opposed to the Christian worldview.

It shouldn’t be surprising that the identity crisis in America follows a generation that has rejected the biblical view of self. Through movies, music, stories, and other means, the culture persistently proclaims that the way to happiness is self-assertion. The Christian worldview teaches that we find worth and significance through self-denial. The current craving to self-identify reflects our innate rebellion against God.

3. Know the Gospel

The gospel of Jesus Christ beautifully shapes our view of self and gives us a solid foundation for how we see others. The cross tells us how bad we are and how loved we are both at the same time. Understanding this will help your children understand that our core identity is not something we have to achieve, but rather something we freely receive in Christ.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones, the famous Welsh pastor, often remarked that “our greatest need is to become who we already are in Christ.” Our children will never find true joy in life until they come to accept who God made them to be. It is vitally important to teach children that their Creator God made them in his own image, and that he loves them so much that he gave Jesus up to die for them. This is beautiful for the following reasons:

It’s liberating. My significance doesn’t depend on my performance. I don’t have to achieve worldly success to attain self-worth. Tell your kids that conforming to the world’s mold would shape them into that which God never intended for them.

It’s secure. Throughout the changes that come with life, our identity in Christ remains constant. No matter what is going on around us, it cannot impact who we are in Jesus.

It’s inclusive. Your identity as a child of God, redeemed by the blood of Christ, puts you on the same level with all other believers and eliminates any need to compete or criticize. I’m not threatened by those who may be wiser, stronger, and more gifted than I. Nor am I tempted to think I’m better or superior to anyone else.

Let me encourage you, during the present crisis when most of us have more time at home, spend time with your children discussing this issue. Ask them questions and see what they think about themselves. Hopefully, you’ll be able to share with them how your own identity has been given you by a loving Creator who made the ultimate sacrifice on your behalf.