One of our “spiritual family” responsibilities as children of God is to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ. In Ephesians we’re told to “pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” (Ephesians 6:18) No doubt you’ve told many of your fellow Christians that you’re praying for them. But how often are those prayers too general, like “Lord, bless Dave” or “Lord, be with Sam,” with no specificity at all.

Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong to pray that way. We should ask God to bless our brothers and sisters, and to be with them, especially when we know they’re going through a tough time. We also know that the Spirit is a help when we don't know what to pray: "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." (Romans 8:26) But I’ve also been noticing how the Apostle Paul explicitly tells his readers what he is praying for them. I think it would help us pray better if we followed his example and shared the purpose and content of our prayers with each other.

Surely the prayers recorded for us in Scripture are for our own instruction in prayer. Consider this sampling of Paul’s detailed description of his prayers for his fellow believers:

I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might. (Ephesians 1:16-19)

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:9-11)

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. (Colossians 1:9-10)

If you read through these passages carefully, you will note that a common theme in these prayers is spiritual knowledge. Most often, in our prayers for others, we’re asking for relief from some burden or physical problem; yet, you would be hard-pressed to find a verse where Paul prays for the circumstances of his readers to be changed. His emphasis is always that they would learn what God is teaching them through those circumstances.

The goal of prayers for one another should not be so much on relieving problems or altering circumstances as it is for spiritual growth and guidance. Difficult situations are used by God for our sanctification. Well-known Bible teacher Warren Weirsbe told of visiting a woman in the hospital and asking her how he could best pray for her. She said, “Pray I will not waste this.”

I think that story teaches us something of what it means to pray in the Spirit (Ephesians 6:18). Asking God to reveal his plan and purpose in our suffering. Perhaps the next time a brother or sister asks for your prayers, ask them how you should pray and what exactly they want God to do. It may lead them to examine more closely what the Lord is doing in that particular situation and, at the same time, may also help you grow in your own prayer life.

Of course we should pray for healing (see James 5:16), and many of the Psalms teach us to pray for deliverance and help in times of trouble (Psalm 71:4). But instead of just asking the Lord to change the circumstances, follow Paul’s example and pray that brother or sister will come to know Christ better, and understand God’s purpose in a deeper way.