Marriage, in its most practical sense, is two sinners facing together life's challenges, storms and changes, and learning to walk that path in unity. Seriously, you knew she was a sinner when you married her, right? And she knew the same about you. In other words, no marriage is perfect, and they all require a commitment that says, “no matter what, I still choose you.”

Perhaps it might help if I remind you what it means to be a sinner. It means you have a natural inclination to be your own god and declare, “my will be done!” The doctrine of original sin states that because of our connection to Adam we are morally and spiritually corrupted by his fall. Luther described our condition as “incurvatus in se” meaning turned in on one’s self. Augustine stated the essence of sin is a “prideful turning from God to self.”

When things go south in a marriage, men have a tendency to follow in Adam’s footsteps, blaming their wives and God for “the woman you gave me!” Of course, this works both ways, but what’s so frustrating is that oftentimes couples are counseled about their problems without ever facing the reality of original sin. Modern psychotherapy considers such a notion damaging, even toxic. Don’t miss the irony in this. The average therapist believes it’s wrong, maybe even sinful, to address the sin issue.

To be clear, if you are not right with your spouse, you are not right with God. If you cannot deal with that, it proves the point. Sure, you may have been hurt, victimized, even abused, but as Christians we are commanded to forgive. This doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat, or act like nothing’s wrong. It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek help. Rather, it means you extend to your offending partner the same grace God extended to you in Christ.

To be clear, if you are not right with your spouse, you are not right with God.

Marriages are like gardens and require constant upkeep. It doesn’t take long for relational weeds to spring up and choke the beautiful things that God created marriage to produce. The best marriages are those with two spouses committed to pulling up those nasty little sprouts and learning to cultivate the flowers of love and affection.

It doesn’t take long for relational weeds to spring up and choke the beautiful things...

Finally, marriages go through seasons of change, and one of God’s purposes is that husbands and wives grow together through the vicissitudes of life, whether it involves a career move, a tragedy, or an empty nest. It’s important to acknowledge those variations and make the necessary adjustments which require prioritizing time together in order to share, connect, and reflect, remembering our proneness to “turn in on ourselves.” When we stumble, which we all do, humbling ourselves before God, turning toward him, and seeking his grace and guidance are always the first steps.