In military terminology the “point man” is the soldier who is out front, leading his men through enemy territory. The safety of those following depends on his awareness of the environment, his alertness, his keen eyesight, and caution. He knows the lives of his men are at risk because of the unexpected danger of snipers, booby traps, and mines on the path.

With Father’s Day coming this Sunday, I want to remind you dads of your strategic, and often precarious, position as “point man” for your family. Leading your family through the moral chaos of our times is very similar to “walking point” through enemy territory. And the casualty percentage of marriages is staggering as one out of every two marriages ends in divorce.

Almost 30 years ago, Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family Ministries, said: The western world stands at a great crossroads in its history. It is my opinion that our very survival as a people will depend upon the presence or absence of masculine leadership in our homes. I believe with everything within me that husbands hold the keys to the preservation of the family.

Over the next three weeks or so, I’m going to share some of the pitfalls husbands and fathers must avoid if they are going to safely lead their families through the dangerous environment of this present culture.

The first “booby trap” I would warn you about is the danger of alienation. The Bible commands fathers not to provoke their children to anger (Ephesians 6:4). Such anger leads to a loss of affection that can turn to bitterness and resentment.

Solomon wrote, “the glory of children are their fathers.” When children are young they view their dads as superheroes. They seek to emulate them and have a natural inclination to please them. Unfortunately, as they get older the chinks in dad’s armor become apparent. And there are four common mistakes fathers often make that lead to alienation, a loss of affection.

1. Breaking Promises

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of keeping the promises you make to your kids. Failing to do so erodes trust and sow seeds of bitterness in a child’s heart. To paraphrase Psalm 15:4, “He who keeps his promises even when it hurts, such a one will stand firm forever.” Dad, your children are a priority over your job and career which should never be the cause for breaking a promise to them.

2. Showing Favoritism

The Biblical accounts of Jacob and Esau and Joseph and his brothers demonstrate the folly of showing partiality to one child over another. It is simply unwise to make comparisons between children. Reminding a son or daughter of the achievements and good behavior of a sibling and asking that son or daughter why they can’t be more like their sibling often proves devastating. The reason they are not like their siblings is simply because it’s impossible. God created each child unique with all the characteristics, abilities, and temperaments he intended for them.

3. Communicating Disappointment

Another pitfall that must be avoided is to suggest your disappointment in them. This often happens unwittingly through little comments that seem innocuous but have the potential of inflicting deep wounds into a child’s psyche. Making fun of their appearance, criticizing them in public, or belittling their intellectual capacity cuts to the heart and can scar the spirit. Every child craves affirmation from their father and if it is not given such support and encouragement may be sought in unfriendly and even dangerous places.

4. Excessive Anger

Discipline is an area where many of today’s fathers have thrown the baby out with the bath water. Intimidated by a secular culture, parents often neglect or positively refuse biblical discipline. Solomon wrote, “If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.” (Proverbs 13:24 NLT)

Of course, the flip side of this is the abuse inflicted on a child through uncontrolled anger. Anger provokes anger. While parenting can be frustrating and nerve-racking, reacting in anger is really an expression of a father’s own self-centeredness. The discipline becomes father-centered and not child-centered. Again, Solomon said, “He who sows iniquity will reap sorrow and the rod of his anger will fail.” (Proverbs 22:8)

If you sense alienation between you and your son or daughter, go to them in humility and ask them if you may have hurt them in some way. Talk about it, and if necessary, apologize and ask their forgiveness. Let them hear you pray with them and for them. Children have a beautiful tendency to readily forgive and forget.