Sociologists are now saying what Christians have known all along: Children and communities are more likely to flourish when marriage is valued and protected. Psychologists have done studies to ascertain what makes marriages succeed and what makes them fail. Data collected indicated certain harbingers of marital disaster.

For instance, it has been demonstrated that couples who stay married gain greater wealth than the unmarried and divorced. Married couples report to live more meaningful lives than those single and without children. I read one report that stated couples with joint checking accounts are happier and less likely to divorce than couples who keep their personal finances separate.

If you see the following signs in your own marriage, you need to realize your marriage is headed for real trouble. I’ll just mention the four most prominent predictors of divorce:

1. Shutting Down

Many men have a tendency to shut down when facing conflict. They feel an aversion to having difficult conversations than make them vulnerable. So they simple withdraw into themselves. Their wife is speaking but they’re looking away and biding their time until she finally gives up and walks away. Any request to change is met with indifference.

Marriage is one of God’s tools for your personal sanctification, to make you the man He wants you to be.

2. Being Defensive

Some men react to their wife’s complaints by becoming defensive. To make matters worse, they never consider whether her concerns are valid. They either deny the charge or make excuses for themselves. Either way, they’re not open to correction or are simply blind to their own failures. They may even begin to compare themselves with men who are much worse.

3. Being Critical

Defensiveness often leads to becoming critical. Faced with a wife’s complaint, they just counterattack. They respond to criticism by attacking their wife’s character and communication becomes impossible. They often use words like “you never” and “you always” when countering their wife’s concern and, again, never acknowledging the legitimacy of it.

4. Harboring Contempt

There’s nothing like contempt when it comes to killing a marriage. Contempt is an attitude of disgust toward a spouse. It’s relational cancer that eats away at the relationship until the marriage is terminal. It can get really ugly at this point with name calling and foul language. If you begin to sense this in your own heart, do yourself a favor and get help. If you see any of these responses in your marriage, find a trusted source who can help you find your way back.

There are no perfect marriages. Every marriage will have its own challenges and difficulties. Marriage is one of God’s tools for your personal sanctification, to make you the man He wants you to be. Compliance in that process will lead to greater meaning and happiness in your marriage and will be worth whatever effort is required to get you off the road to disaster.