In my last post, I shared some lessons we can take away from the incredible rise of sexual abuse that has come to light. In this post, I’ll focus on a related topic: domestic abuse. It is absolutely shocking to realize that about one-fourth of all women in the U.S. have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. An article in World Magazine by Sophia Lee claims that many churches are ignoring the problem within their own congregations.

It’s my belief that domestic abuse cannot be restricted only to physical violence but should also include emotional and psychological abuse. I say that because it has been my experience that many women suffer greatly by domineering husbands that keep their wives intimidated, threatened, and degraded. Many women have had their spirits crushed and their self-esteem destroyed by overbearing husbands that rule their homes with a heavy hand. Domestic abuse is a horrible sin that grieves the Spirit of God, and such unscriptural behavior among church members should not be ignored; yet according to the article in World, that is exactly the case. So, what can we do?

1) The Church must teach husbands how to love their wives.

In my 40 years of ministry, I can tell you that most women suffer in silence. You will never know their anguish because, as one woman confessed, “I wanted to look good. I idolized marriage and wanted to appear like I had everything together.” Husbands that abuse their wives mentally, sexually, or emotionally need to understand such conduct is sinful. Faithful exposition of the Word of God is preventive medicine for church members, and teaching the whole counsel of God ensures that pastors deal with these difficult subjects.

The Bible clearly addresses the husband and wife relationship as a partnership. God’s Word is “alive and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) Paul commanded young Timothy “to reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:2) As a pastor, I have a solemn charge to preach the scriptures as they are to men as they are, trusting the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and repentance to those that sin.

2) The Church must discipline those guilty of spousal abuse.

When I say the church must discipline those who abuse spouses, I mean to say that such action can only take place where there is clear evidence and must follow principles laid down in Matthew 18:15-20. What I want to emphasize here is that when a victim comes to their elders for help, the church must not turn a deaf ear. Biblical discipline must be enacted with the goal of restoration and reconciliation. This is necessary for the overall health of the church and when faithfully administered, glorifies God.

When a victim comes to their elders for help, the church must not turn a deaf ear.

Only once in my ministry has it come to the point where the church had to excommunicate a member. It was ugly, painful, and even confusing to other members who no longer knew how to relate or regard the person being disciplined. The main challenge in carrying out discipline is knowing who to believe when the fingers point at each other. When accusations begin to fly, it is often impossible for elders to discern who is telling the truth.

3) The Church must create a structure for safety.

How can the church create a structure where victims can find care and hope? A LifeWay survey of 1,000 churches revealed that 47% had no knowledge of any domestic abuse within their congregation. However, since national data shows that 25% to 33% of women (and 13% of men) are in physically abusive relationships, every church should forge a strategy for dealing with this issue.

I intend to do so at Faith Family Church. I want victims to know there’s a safe place where they can turn for help, know they’ll be taken seriously, and that caring believers will walk along side them. We will make counseling recommendations when necessary. We will also seek to help the abuser as well. In many cases, they were abused themselves and need healing from wounds oftentimes generated in their childhood. Sadly, reports indicate those who abuse a spouse will seldom repent; therefore, the church must pursue those until that help is rejected.

Domestic abuse is a horrible sin that grieves the Spirit of God. The church can no longer afford to ignore the problem. By the grace of God, Faith Family Church will be a safe haven for the hurting and a hospital for those who need restoration and healing.