Christian men find themselves living in “perilous times.” (cf. 2 Timothy 3:1-5) Whether you realize it or not, there is a fierce battle raging all around you and the stakes could not be higher. Like never before, the enemy of our souls is waging war against men, the home, and the church. For example, consider how Biblical headship is under assault, the family is being redefined, porn is threatening many marriages, and children are being indoctrinated by secular culture.

God designed us for friendship—he didn’t intend us to go it alone. Sadly, many men have put friendships on the backburner, only to wish later in life that they connected more often, and more deeply, with friends (do a Google search for “Top five regrets of the dying”).

Companions vs. Friends

Growing up I memorized Proverbs 18:24 in the good ol’ KJV, which reads: “A man who has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” However, contemporary versions translate it a bit differently: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother,” (ESV) I had always thought the verse was saying that if you want friends you need to be friendly yourself. Makes sense but that is not what the verse is saying.

The discrepancy in translation led me to dig a bit deeper. I discovered that the context suggests a courtroom scene where a poor borrower is being sued by a wealthy creditor who has decided to call in the loan. The poor man pleads for more time, but the rich man wants his pound of flesh. Sadly, the defendant has many “companions” who do not wish to antagonize the rich man and so fail to come to his aid. Here’s where the last part of the verse finds powerful meaning. While acquaintances abandon you in your time of need, a real friend will step up and come to your aid.

I think this is exactly the case with most men today: many acquaintances but few if any real friends. You may like hanging out with other guys and enjoy their company, but when you find yourself in trouble, struggling, or facing serious trials, companions don’t inconvenience themselves to come to your aid. Instead, they say, “Call me if you need anything.”

Solomon describes these fair-weather friends when he wrote: “All the brethren of the poor do hate him: how much more do his friends go far from him? he pursues them with words, yet they are wanting to him.” (Proverbs 19:7)

If you’re a man of many companions, I challenge you to do two things:

Be a Friend

First, make yourself available to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. That is, be willing to sacrifice in order to help another brother in Christ. If you know someone going through a difficult time, be ready to give your time, counsel, and even physical resources to meet the need.

The Bible says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17) This is saying that family will be there for you during hardships. You may not get along with everyone in your family, but they will be there for you. A friend, however, chooses to be there for you always.

Most companions want to know you because you are useful to them. Perhaps you offer social connections, or you’re fun to be around, or you make legendary barbeque. For a companion, you are simply a means to an end. A friend, on the other hand, will be there for you because it’s you. He won’t let you go to ruin because you aren’t a means to an end. You are the end.

In order to be that friend who sticks closer than a brother, would you pray about how you might help another brother? As you pray, perhaps the Holy Spirit will bring someone to your mind. You may not have a clue as to what he may be going through, but if the Lord lays him on your heart, there is a reason for it. Take the initiative. Suggest going somewhere for coffee or simply ask him how things are going and if there’s any way you might be of help.

When men face adversity together it has a way of building a strong bond between them.

Seek a Friend

This is the more difficult challenge because most men don’t want to admit they need help. Our pride often keeps us in a dungeon of loneliness. The key to that prison cell is humility. Admitting we need other men in our lives frees us to seek deeper friendships. There are three good reasons you should proactively seek friendships with other men.

1. The Male Perspective

While it’s perfectly fine to share your struggles with your wife, there are times when you need another man’s perspective. Your wife is more apt to take up offenses on your behalf and is prone to be less than objective. Perhaps what you really need to share with your wife is your need to have other guys in your life.

2. The Male Passion

God wired men for friendship. The Bible says, Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17) The male psyche needs the flint of the male psyche to stay sharp and maintain biblical masculinity. Ask yourself, “Is there something I would confide to another guy that I would never share with my wife.” For example, if you have acted inappropriately with another woman, or entertained adulterous thoughts, find a Christian guy and admit your failure. Sometimes, the only thing that can reign in testosterone is testosterone! A true friend will confront you, admonish you, and hold you accountable.

3. The Male Progress

I know men who have discovered how having close guy friends has transformed their lives. I have had a dear friend in my life for many years, and I will tell you that I believe the Lord put him in my life to help make me a better man. Maintaining close friendships takes work, but the effort is always worth it.

For your own spiritual progress, I encourage you to find a close friend. It will improve your health, your marriage, and especially your relationship with the Lord.