If you’ve ever attended an event for Christian men, you’ve most likely heard about the importance of accountability. If you’re like me, you’ve also thought, “that’s not going to happen.” Many men are very skeptical about accountability because we don’t like being vulnerable. Accountability is intrusive, may feel oppressive, and can seem risky. What if something we entrust to another person somehow comes back to haunt us down the road?

Accountability is one of those things that can actually hinder Christian community because we often fail to distinguish between accountability and relationships. If we approach relationships with other Christian guys as primarily accountability partners, then it’s natural to resist those relationships. Do we really expect that new guy in church to confess his porn addiction or that he’s been flirting with his neighbor’s wife? We’re really naïve if we think that kind of thing is going to happen at the next men’s prayer breakfast.

However, while accountability is not the basis of a relationship, it should develop naturally in a healthy one.

The biblical basis for accountability

Personally, it’s my belief that the Bible teaches accountability, which is inherent within the “one another” statements in the New Testament—and there are over 50 of them! Along with commands to encourage, warn, comfort, restore, and pray for one another, is the command to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16). Granted, that particular verse falls in a context of prayer for healing, but it still retains the responsibility we all have for accountability.

Once we establish the biblical nature of accountability, there are three vital elements that help make it work:

1. Keep it positive

Most people focus accountability on the negative. We think it means confessing only the bad stuff we do. Seldom do we perceive it as an opportunity to encourage doing good things. For example, it’s not just about asking your friend if he’s been giving into his lusts; it’s also about asking what God has been showing him through his Bible study and prayer.

Healthy relationships are positive and exhort one another to do the right things. Focusing only on sinful acts turns the accountability partner into the thought police. Moreover, a person can fix behavior without any real spiritual growth. Biblical accountability seeks transformation by God’s grace in the lives of others. That means not only confessing the bad but also encouraging the good.

Biblical accountability understands that judgment was meted out on the cross

2. Make the investment

Accountability is based on trust. You will never be transparent with someone you don’t trust. Building trust requires a significant investment in the lives of people we genuinely love. Authentic relationships require an “others orientation” in your heart that manifests itself by showing concern, giving encouragement, and sacrificially meeting the needs of our brothers in Christ. This is much deeper than simply trying to win friends and influence people.

Only when I know you love me and desire God’s best for me, am I willing to share my struggles with you. This kind of investment takes time, and healthy accountability requires both time and sacrifice.

3. Extend mutual grace

We must not fail to see that accountability is rooted in the gospel. Unless we’re living with a sense of the grace God has extended to us in Christ, we will not be able to extend that same grace to others. Biblical accountability understands that judgment was meted out on the cross, and all of us stand before God justified by grace. In authentic relationships there is a constant interchange of grace between two people. It’s that grace that transform us and sharpens us, and it’s channeled into us by the brothers God brings into our lives.

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It’s interesting that “accountability” shares the same root word as the financial practice of “accounting.” Simply put, financial accounting is a way to communicate the financial health of an organization. It provides a picture of what an organization is doing right—or wrong, where it is headed, and if course corrections need to be made.

In the same way, genuine relationships can be the basis for a healthy accountability that stirs us up to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24) and prevents us from wandering off course (James 5:19).