In a culture where marriage is often misunderstood, redefined, or dismissed altogether, rediscovering God’s original design is not just important—it’s essential. Marriage is not a product of social evolution or a flexible human contract. It’s a divine institution, created by God to transcend time, culture, and trends. At its core, marriage was designed to reflect God’s love for His people and to shape our character through love, sacrifice, and grace.

To live out this design, two virtues are absolutely necessary: repentance and forgiveness. Repentance means taking responsibility for our own failures. Forgiveness means releasing the failures of the other person. Without both, marriage cannot flourish.

But to understand why marriage often falters, we must look back to its earliest fracture point. In Genesis 3, when sin entered the world, the beauty of marital unity was corrupted. The serpent targeted Eve, subverting God’s order by going through the helper instead of the head. Adam, meanwhile, failed in his responsibility to lead, protect, and obey. The result was a tragic reversal of roles—and sin spread like a virus through human history, infecting relationships at every level.

The fallout of the fall was not only spiritual but relational. Pain in childbearing became symbolic of the unique roles between men and women, and marriage itself was marked by strife: “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). The headship that once functioned in love and unity now became a source of tension. God’s design remained intact, but sin twisted it.

Still, there is hope—and direction. In Ephesians 5:25–33, Paul lays out a radical, restorative vision of marriage. He doesn’t tell husbands to control or command their wives but to love them—and not just with any kind of love, but the same love Christ has for the church. In first-century Greco-Roman society, where women were often viewed as inferior, this was nothing short of revolutionary.

This Christ-like love has three defining qualities.

First, it is sacrificial. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25). The question isn’t only whether you’d die for your wife—it’s whether you’re willing to live for her by dying to your own preferences, pride, and comfort every day. Many conflicts in marriage trace back to a wife feeling devalued or a husband feeling disrespected. Christ-like love, however, honors the other not because they’ve earned it but because God commands it. That’s grace—and it’s impossible to sustain without the help of the Holy Spirit.

The question isn’t only whether you’d die for your wife—it’s whether you’re willing to live for her by dying to your own preferences, pride, and comfort every day.

Second, this love is sanctifying. Paul writes that Christ’s goal is to present the church “in splendor, without spot or wrinkle... holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:26–27). Husbands are called to help their wives grow in holiness. This doesn’t mean micromanaging or moral policing—it means living in such a way that your spiritual leadership draws your spouse closer to Christ. The best way to help her become more like Jesus is for you to become more like Jesus.

Third, a husband’s love must include self-love in the biblical sense. Paul says, “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:28). This isn’t about ego or indulgence. It’s about recognizing that in God’s eyes, you and your wife are “one flesh.” To cherish her is to cherish yourself. Just as we instinctively care for our own needs, we should care for the needs of our spouse. This kind of love doesn’t come from willpower alone—it flows from understanding your identity in Christ.

So why does Paul call marriage a “great mystery”? Because, he says, it points to something bigger—Christ’s union with the Church. This eternal picture was hidden in the Old Testament but is now fully revealed in Christ. A godly marriage is more than a personal blessing—it’s a living witness to the gospel.

A godly marriage is more than a personal blessing—it’s a living witness to the gospel.

That’s why the gospel gives us hope for our marriages today. Through the grace of Jesus Christ, broken marriages can be healed, struggling marriages can be strengthened, and good marriages can become great—not for our glory, but for His. The love Christ demonstrated on the cross is the same love He pours into us by His Spirit, empowering us to love even when it’s hard, even when we don’t feel like it, even when we’re not being loved back the way we hoped.

As you reflect on your own marriage, ask yourself some hard but life-giving questions: Am I loving my spouse sacrificially, placing their needs ahead of my own? Is my spouse becoming more like Jesus because of how I love them—or in spite of it? Do I truly live as though we are “one flesh”? What would it look like to serve and honor them this week—without being asked, without expecting anything in return?

Most importantly, are you relying on the Holy Spirit to help you love well? Because apart from Him, we fall back into selfishness. But with Him, we become mirrors of God’s grace in the most personal and powerful relationship we’ll ever have.

Marriage was never meant to be easy—but by God's design, it was meant to be beautiful. And through Christ, it can be.