“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.” Proverbs 24:3

In marital and family counseling, I often tell couples that the strength of their home will rise or fall on one simple reality: how closely they follow the principles of God’s Word.

The problem? Many parents simply don’t know what those principles are.

Instead, they turn to popular voices, trending philosophies, and so-called experts- only to wonder later why their home feels strained, chaotic, or disconnected. When it comes to raising children, it’s not about how much you know, but whether what you know is actually true.

There is no shortage of parenting methods today. Even among Christians, opinions vary widely. But we must remember this: the family was God’s idea. He designed it for our good and His glory. And because He is the Designer, He alone knows how it works best.

Now, let’s be honest- there are no perfect families this side of heaven. We live in a fallen world, and every home has its struggles. Yet Scripture provides wisdom that, when faithfully applied, gives real hope for building a strong, stable, and even joyful family.

With that in mind, here are four questions worth asking. Today’s blog will only cover the first two questions and next week the final two.

1. Do You Know Where You’re Going?

One of my college professors used to joke that many parents deserve the “Christopher Columbus Award.” The inscription would read:

“To the parent who, like Christopher Columbus, did not know where he was going, when he arrived did not know where he was, and when he returned did not know where he had been.”

It’s humorous but uncomfortably close to reality for many families. So, let me ask you plainly: What is your goal as a Christian parent?

Scripture repeatedly speaks of a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife. That principle doesn’t just define marriage it helps clarify parenting. Our role is not to raise children who remain dependent on us, but to prepare them to leave well.

The goal is this: To train and release our children so they can establish their own homes and live godly, productive lives for the glory of God.

If you don’t know where you’re going, you won’t recognize when you’ve arrived.

2. Do You Know How to Get There?

Once the destination is clear, the next question becomes obvious: How do we get there?

Let me briefly highlight four essential responsibilities every father, and really every parent, must embrace:

• Teach and train intentionally.

This responsibility cannot be outsourced. Not to schools, not to culture, and not even to the church. Others may assist, but the primary role belongs to you.

• Make a plan.

Spiritual growth rarely happens by accident. Set aside intentional time to communicate your beliefs, values, and faith. A regular family time in God’s Word and prayer can shape the spiritual rhythm of your home.

• Model your faith.

Your children are always watching. A consistent, authentic walk with God will influence them far more than words alone. In many cases, what they see will matter more than what they’re told.

Parenting changes over time.

When children are young, you function as a manager.

In adolescence, you become more of a coach.

As they mature, you step into the role of a consultant.

Wisdom is knowing when to shift roles and how.

I could say much more about each of these, but this is enough to prompt some honest reflection. Next time, we’ll consider two more critical questions. Until then, take some time to evaluate:

Do you truly know where you are leading your family- and do you have a plan to get there?