When our kids were small, they sometimes had trouble distinguishing between two words that are vastly different: “can’t” and “won’t.” Asking them to perform some menial task when they would much rather continue whatever they were doing often produced the innocent-sounding response, “I can’t.”

Our clever little sinners quickly discovered that “I can’t” was much safer than the more stubborn and abrasive “I won’t.” One sounded like an inability; the other exposed an unwillingness.

I have since learned that this is not just a problem with children. Christian men can fall into the same trap. We employ “I can’t” to excuse what is really “I won’t.”

I have heard statements such as, “I can’t communicate with my wife,” “I can’t quit this habit,” “I can’t tithe,” or even, “I can’t find time to read my Bible.” Frankly, in many cases, that “I can’t” is simply “I won’t” wearing a disguise.

As Christians, we have divine resources at our disposal. We have the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, and the fellowship and encouragement of the body of Christ. We have been given everything necessary to live the life God has called us to live. Peter reminds us that God’s divine power “has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3). And Paul declares, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

That does not mean we can accomplish anything we might imagine. It means that, through Christ’s strength, we can faithfully do whatever God has called us to do.

Therefore, saying “I can’t” when God has commanded us to obey Him is often more than an admission of weakness- it can be an excuse for disobedience. It diminishes our confidence in God’s grace and allows us to deceive ourselves about the real issue.

James puts it bluntly: “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves” (James 1:22).

Sometimes the first step toward victory is simply telling ourselves the truth. “I can’t” must become “I won’t.” And then “I won’t” must become “I will.” “I can’t communicate with my wife” becomes, “I have been unwilling to make the effort to communicate with my wife.”

“I can’t quit this habit” becomes, “I have been unwilling to do what is necessary to break this habit.” “I can’t find time to read my Bible” becomes, “I have not made reading God’s Word a priority.”

That kind of honesty may sting, but it can also set us free. Once we stop hiding behind “I can’t,” we can begin dealing honestly with the heart of the problem.

Often, “I can’t” simply reflects an unwillingness to put forth the effort necessary for change. The opportunity is right in front of us, but opportunity rarely comes dressed for comfort. Someone wisely observed, “Opportunity is often not recognized because it is dressed in work clothes.”

Christian psychologists Frank Minirth and Paul Meier, in their book Happiness Is a Choice, emphasized the importance of using language that accurately describes the problems we face. For many of their patients, that meant replacing “I can’t” with “I won’t.” That simple change forced them to stop blaming circumstances and start taking responsibility for their choices.

The same principle applies spiritually. Confessing our unwillingness and surrendering it to the Lordship of Jesus Christ is often the first step toward spiritual victory and greater usefulness. When we stop avoiding the truth and stop deceiving ourselves, we become ready to receive the grace we need to change.

So, what about you? Have you been hiding behind an “I can’t” when the truth is “I won’t”? If so, be honest with God—and with yourself. Then take those simple steps. “I can’t” to “I won’t” to “I will.” Because when God calls us to obedience, the question is not always whether we can. Sometimes the real question is whether we will.